Flashback Friday: To the 80’s

I loved the 80’s. I loved the movies. I loved the music. I loved the culture.

It was just an amazing decade (probably biased by my growing up in it/90s). This morning on the ride in, I had it tuned into my “flashback” station which plays 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s.

This song popped up and I was overwhelmed with nostalgia (which led to me crying, but that is a whole other story not for this post). This was probably my favorite song, and it happened to be in one of my favorite films, Pretty in Pink.

This is making me want to binge watch 80’s movies this weekend.

Advertisements

Tired of all the Feces

Some of the best writing comes from the deepest pain. Often I don’t know if I can truly express the agony warring inside of me, but then I just sit still and type, and a plethora of emotion comes out via my fingertips.

I don’t often share it. It’s too dark. Too deep. Too personal for the world to view and judge.

The world is good at that. Judging. Everyone sitting up high on their golden pedestal (myself included sometimes).

We have a lot of that going on right now with our current POTUS, and it is coming from all sides. Every side is slinging the shit across the line, hoping to hit their mark. And here is my judging moment: It’s sickening to see a world full of GROWN ASS ADULTS, many OLD and WISE enough to know better, acting like 2-year-old bratty children. POTUS included.

In a world with so much more going on, everyone is so focused on the dung at the bottom of the shoe, instead of just wiping it off on the grass and focusing on the crisis that is our world. Battling RACISM, HATRED, persecution of beliefs … and seriously we can get into space but we cannot figure out how to solve WORLD HUNGER? What is WRONG with us? What is WRONG with the people of this world that cannot take a step back or jump down from their mighty pedestal and say … wow, I could be a better human today.

It doesn’t have to be huge. It can be as simple as a, “Thank you” or holding the door for someone you normally would just let close on their face. Something as easy as letting someone who’s been sitting at a stop sign for twenty minutes looking for a break to get in, cut you off and not blare on the horn and throw your middle finger up. It could be making a small donation to charities that actually OFFER relief to those suffering (here are some that actually do what they claim to do). To those without a roof tonight. To those without a home. To those without a computer and unable to read all the barbaric and inhumane barbs constantly being expressed by grown ass adults (okay, maybe on this point, they are better off).

Stop throwing around statements like “fake news” as if it is a racial slur. We are living in a world with so much information at our fingertips. Stop being lazy and watching or reading only one or two news networks, and find out for yourself the TRUTH. Don’t just sit by blindly and believe all the hokum being said by someone of power JUST because they are in power. Then USE that information to actively, intelligently and in a USEFUL manner, fight against the hate, racism, world hunger, etc. Don’t just hop on the internet, load up Facebook or Twitter and just regurgitate the hate right back… how is that at ALL helpful?

Just … everyone GROW UP already and lets us be productive, effective, intelligent and HUMANE people. We can do it. It’s just one little step each day that you can to do to become that better HUMAN being.

Heartbreak

One of the harshest realizations is when you recognize that you mean absolutely nothing to someone who means the world to you… has been the world to you.

A call came through to me at almost 6PM yesterday. It may have been you, but I don’t know because I fumbled with my phone in my anxious nature, and accidently hit the volume button which immediately ended the call, which I am almost positive you felt was a slight and that I ended the call before it even began on purpose, but it is untrue.

And yet, this is life. One misunderstanding after another. One misinterpretation of what we believe are facts, but are just lines after lines of “Oops’s and Shit’s and Fuck did I do that’s”.

Moments of greatness or futures can be completely changed by the simple accidental press of a button. Had I answered, would we have fixed this and moved on happily ever after? Or would we still be on this path of self-destruction, taking all those around us with us? Each one of us blaming the other for the end of a ten-year friendship. Each one of us pointing the finger, without possibly knowing the full facts of the matter.

I feel lost without you, but now it has become a matter of pride. More than 32hrs have passed and not a single contact has been made. Am I really that easy to just let go of? Did I really matter that little? Perhaps you never really felt what you claim to have felt.

Heartbreak is never easy, especially when you think the other is going through it as well … but what if it is only you? Suffering in silence, breaking down in your own little world with no one to hear or care one iota. Does the heart not break a little louder?

Ski Weekend + Politics

I have decided to lug the Nikon with me … lol. Reason why I don’t bring it with me more often and snap more photos like in the olden days (when it was a true passion of mine), is that I have a long lens on it 18mm-300mm and that sucker is heavier than the whole body … so yeah. Excuses, I KNOW… but nonetheless true. Still. I am bringing it with me, so I hope I have some decently good shots from this weekend to share.

I have to admit, it’s been a long time since I’ve taken photography seriously and not just flipped my phone around and snapped a few cheesy pics which I then Instagram-ed up. So, I am probably rusty.

One of my pet peeves is being rushed. Its one of the biggest reasons I stopped being passionate about photography and became overly annoyed. Since I rarely ever travel alone, whoever is traveling with me ends up rushing me and sometimes photography cannot BE rushed. I really should learn to be okay with traveling alone because that’s when I do my best photography.

Last time I took any photos that I even decently liked, was the very last cruise we took with the family in November 2015 (before dad took a really bad turn). If anyone is actually curious enough to look through the 800ish pictures I took (over 7 days … really took like 4k, but narrowed it down a LOT). HAHAHA. Here’s the link to the whole collection (apparently 8 days since I took a handful when we docked back in).

Finally packed last night for the trip. Since it’s just two nights and only a full day and a half of another, I don’t really need much. I did stuff two books and an adult coloring book in, in case EVERYONE but me wants to ski.

2017-01-20_10-22-33

Though I think the girls are doing one thing and the guys are skiing, but we’ll see. I won’t have much of any internet up there, so I won’t be able to post all the next few days or read. It’s actually quite nice to disconnect, especially considering what’s happening today in the USA.

Speaking of… this will probably be the one and only time I ever talk politics. I really dislike Trump. I really think he WILL sink the US and maybe even get us blown up. Yet despite all of that, I do NOT wish him or his family physical harm. I do not wish to spew out all types of hatred toward him (especially since that is all he can do, so why be like him?) … but that is ALL I see on my Facebook (from both sides, both sides are equally horrible right now it’s very sad how divided our nation is and I really do blame him–and the media–for it, but whatever).

Cutting the rest to spare those who really don’t give two shits. 😛
Continue reading

Love + Loss

Random Thoughts/Missing Dad
I think one of the most difficult things in life is to love. It also happens to be one of the most beautiful and life altering.

It just sets you up for all kinds of pain… pain that I sometimes wonder… “Is it worth it?”

When they suffer, you suffer. When they hurt, you hurt. When they pass on, the grief is all consuming and heartbreakingly awful that it has made me (personally) question so much. Why? Why do we exist to love and care only to have it ripped away from us? Why are we even here? What’s the point of all the sorrow?

Sometimes I wonder if it is better to not love. To not be so utterly connected to someone, that when they are gone, a piece (sometimes a gigantic piece) of yourself, is gone with them and nothing can ever fill that void.

Then I think about all the wonderful memories I have of my dad. Of all the times he laughed. Of all moments he showed us how much he loved us (he wasn’t big on saying the words—like me). Of all the times he sacrificed his happiness for our own (and us for him, especially in the end) … and as overwhelming as his loss is … I cannot imagine not having those memories. I cannot imagine not loving my father like I love him and having his love in return.

It’s just so freaking hard. Not seeing him every day. Not hearing his voice on the other side of the line or face-to-face. Not making him laugh that beautiful laugh of his. Not being able to hold his hand or give him a hug even one more time. Not saying “I love you.” I thankfully have no regrets, and I don’t have to live with that feeling on top of everything. It’s just his LOSS is so deep… I feel it to the core, every single day of my life and I wonder if the ache will ever lessen.

Bad Drivers + No Sleep = FML Day

One of my biggest pet peeves is bad drivers. They are pretty much impossible to avoid and I count my blessings when I can make it to work and home without coming across one—it’s rare.

Well, I consider bad parking … bad driving. This morning I pull into work and not only has someone taken MY spot, but parked stupid crooked.

I love this spot because it’s huge. It’s the biggest slot in the parking lot, and there is grass on one side… so the chances of getting the doors dinged is lessened by 50%.

Not only did someone park in this spot … but they parked so crooked, their front bumper was right up against the line for the next spot (which was open and my usual second choice). This person drives a TINY Prius … (Don’t even get me started, because 99% of the time, my road rage includes a Prius).

I still parked in the spot because all the others were taken and really didn’t want to go across the street into the boonies (at night it’s pretty creepy and very poorly lit). But REALLY?! How inconsiderate do you have to be? You can clearly tell you’re all ass-backward crooked and you don’t fix yourself? It takes a minute MAX (which is still stretching it) to right the car. It’s just a dick-ass-move … and I know the person and they really are a b.i.t.c.h. so it’s not surprising.

Continue reading