One of the harshest realizations is when you recognize that you mean absolutely nothing to someone who means the world to you… has been the world to you.
A call came through to me at almost 6PM yesterday. It may have been you, but I don’t know because I fumbled with my phone in my anxious nature, and accidently hit the volume button which immediately ended the call, which I am almost positive you felt was a slight and that I ended the call before it even began on purpose, but it is untrue.
And yet, this is life. One misunderstanding after another. One misinterpretation of what we believe are facts, but are just lines after lines of “Oops’s and Shit’s and Fuck did I do that’s”.
Moments of greatness or futures can be completely changed by the simple accidental press of a button. Had I answered, would we have fixed this and moved on happily ever after? Or would we still be on this path of self-destruction, taking all those around us with us? Each one of us blaming the other for the end of a ten-year friendship. Each one of us pointing the finger, without possibly knowing the full facts of the matter.
I feel lost without you, but now it has become a matter of pride. More than 32hrs have passed and not a single contact has been made. Am I really that easy to just let go of? Did I really matter that little? Perhaps you never really felt what you claim to have felt.
Heartbreak is never easy, especially when you think the other is going through it as well … but what if it is only you? Suffering in silence, breaking down in your own little world with no one to hear or care one iota. Does the heart not break a little louder?